Ask A Doula: My husband is supportive, as long as…

Q I really want to be a birth and postpartum doula! It’s really important to me to provide a complete service both before and after birth. My husband is really supportive of me and loves that I want to be a doula, but he says that because his job provides most of our family income, if I am going to do this, it can’t impact him at all. So I’m trying to figure out how to do things like get someone who can come to my home and get the kids off to school, but everyone says that would be weird since my husband will be there, and none of my usual babysitters or friends are willing to do that. If he would just get them ready and drop them off, they’ll happily watch my kids. How can I make this work?

A To be really honest, this is a relationship problem, not a doula problem. So it’s out of my depth to give you advice on this. I do believe that if your husband was *truly* supportive, he would not have this “as long as it doesn’t impact me” attitude. True support takes effort. True support is going out of your way to accommodate your partner’s hopes and dreams. I don’t know if doula work is or is not going to be workable for you, but my only recommendation here is to have a very frank talk with your partner about what kind of support you will need to see if they are willing to support you in that way. Marriage counseling can sometimes help you have the conversations in a productive way. I hope the two of you are able to find a way to make both your career aspirations happen!

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